Sheikahchica's Xanga

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 04:39:23 GMT

Life has been a whirlwind since I started working full-time. Not as much time to pursue other fancys as I would wish. But I have a full week of vacation coming up next week that I won't even know what to do with at this point. The only thing for sure is that I will be attending the opening of the Margin of Error national tour. There are two Ohio dates next week, and believe me, if any of you get a chance to attend - its well worth it. The dates are as follows:

--Friday August 15th, 2008 - Doors open @ 8:30 p.m.
---Margin of Error (with Filament 38,Mute Grey, and Brutal Logic)
----Live @ The Phantasy Concert Club (11802 Detroit Ave. Lakewood, OH)
-----Ages 18-20: $10, Ages 21 and up: $7

--Saturday August 16th, 2008 - Doors open @ 7:00 p.m.
---Margin of Error (with Mute Grey and More. Including the Asylum Angels)
----Live @ The Underground (224 E. Water St. Sandusky, OH)
-----Ages 18-20: $10, Ages 21 and up: $7

But I'm feeling tired about now... I wanted to write more, but I think I'll turn in instead. Hope to see lots of you at the above dates!!! It'll be a blast!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:00:51 GMT

I kept telling myself to post here, but I would keep forgetting. Its been awfully busy as of late. For starters, Jake and Christie's wedding went well. They had great weather, everyone looked and did great, just overall good. I don't think I've ever seen my brother so happy. He was awfully nervous before the ceremony, so I went and talked to him, and I think it eased his nerves a little. I was so proud of him. You should have seen his face when Christie walked up the aisle. All he could do was keep whispering to her how beautiful she was. I kept from crying through the ceremony, though i almost lost it a few times. It wasn't until we were back in the entranceway of the church right after walking back down the aisle did I lose it - right after I hugged my newlywed brother.

We all jumped into the limo afterwards, which was modelled after a 57 chevy. Had some drinks and overall fun just riding around. All of us in the wedding party plotted crazy ways of walking into the reception. It ended up that Greg carried me in, Monica wore Aaron's dresscoat while he carried her bouquet, and Tiff and John did a reeling-in dance move. We all had a great time dancing the night away. I recieved many compliments, including people who had not recognized me because I was all dressed up! XD Brogin did great too, she didn't fuss through the ceremony, and had so much fun dancing at the reception. Last but not least, I wrote all over Jake and Christie's car before they left. And while we were all on the road, people were honking and yelling. One idiot yelled "sucks to be you!" Gah, guess some people just can't deal with their own commitments so they get on others.

The day after was memorable too... in more ways than one <3. Jake and Christie announced that they were 3 months pregnant. The baby is due in November around Brogin's birthday. By the end of the month they should know if its a boy or a girl. Though I've had a strange premonition that its a boy. We'll see I guess.

And I am now 22 years old. Time is really flying by. I didn't do much on my birthday this year. I worked and then the family (Jake, Christie, and Brogin included), Ryan, and I went out to eat at Chili's. That weekend, Ryan took me to Kalahari. Us and some friends went to the waterpark. Actually ended up running into Adam and Clay, which was cool. They're on break from school and just happened to be there.

Other than that, not much has been going on. I'm working a lot of full-time hours and keeping busy. I've been going up to BG on Wednesday nights again, running into some old friends and making new ones. And Ryan and I are doing well. So... I suppose thats an update... XD I actually have to run again, so I'll bid you all farewell!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tue, 13 May 2008 19:46:09 GMT

Why can’t everything in life come forth as either a sure thing or otherwise? I’m so tired of uncertainty. It is what plagues my mind more than anything… but then again, would life be as exciting if everything was predictable? I surely doubt it. But then again, too much excitement may not be the best either. Adversity is an unavoidable plague. If only I could escape it for a while… because it seems to have taken a liking to me…

Friday, April 25, 2008

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:43:13 GMT

My life has felt odd lately, and I can't seem to figure out why...

Though some things are more easily comprehended. Such as the fact that I've been working what seems like nonstop lately at a shitty job. I'm (somewhat) eager to return to school, but have not yet figured out if it will happen this fall or not. Just having that uncertainty hanging over my head really kills me...

Ryan and I have been together for about 3 months now, and things have been going alright.... it just seems that things have all of a sudden changed from when we first started dating... something I hadn't seen this early in a past relationship. I dunno... I mean, he used to go out of his way to be sweet, and he used to pay more attention to me when we were together, etc. Maybe I'm just too weird or too sensitive... but it seems like it doesnt happen much anymore. And when I bring up anything about it, I'm being moody, or I'm full of crap according to him. Seriously... I feel like he won't open up to me. There are things he seems more than reluctant to talk about and I feel like the bad guy bringing them up. But comunication is key in a relationship, so it can't be ignored. I'm not sure... sometimes I feel so helpless with my own life that I don't know what to do. I feel I should go one way, but I'm pulled in another, trapped in an endless tug-o-war of emotions, feelings, and choices... so full I feel I could snap.

As I reflected on things today, I began to feel the realization again - that I may be prioritizing the wants and feelings of others over my own happiness... which will more than likely not turn out well for me in the end if it continues... but what the hell do I want and how the fuck do I feel?

Why should it take what feels like a million heartbreaks to find love? Why should I walk endlessly in a circle to decide where I want to be in my life? Why, when I find something good, can't I hold onto it?

I can't wait to figure things out...

Marilyn Manson
"Disassociative"

I can tell you what they say in space
That our earth is too grey
But when the spirit is so digital
The body acts this way
That world was killing me
That world was killing me
Disassociative

The nervous systems down, the nervous systems down

I know

I can never get out of here
I don't want to just float in fear
A dead astronaut in space

Sometimes we walk like we were shot through our heads, my love
We write our song in space like we are already dead and gone
Your world was killing me
Your world was killing me
Disassociative
Your world was killing me
Your world was killing me
Disassociative

I can never get out of here
I don't want to just float in fear
A dead astronaut in space
The nervous systems down, the nervous systems down
I know

Friday, February 08, 2008

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 05:44:25 GMT

Things have been going rather well as of late, which is surprising. Sadly didn't get to IGUN last night, but theres always next week. But I really must talk about the Manson show!

On the first of February Lindsey, Adam, Ryan, and I headed to Cleveland for the Marilyn Manson show at the House of Blues. We tried to find Jake and Katie when we got there, but it ended up they were on the left side of the stage while we were on the right side (Katie said she actually ended up getting hit with Manson's saliva, as he was spitting on the crowd XD ). Travis and Chrissy were there as well, but they had balcony seats.

The show started out with a band called Hours that sucked HORRIBLY. They seriously looked like some 40 year olds trying to act like a whiny emo band (especially the lead singer). The crowd actually booed them, and people were yelling shit like "you suck," "faggots," etc. So the lead singer tried to salvage hs dignity by saying that he enjoyed the crowd expressing themselves and he liked being called a faggot and that he was sorry mommy and daddy never got to tuck several of the crowd members in as children XD. Nonetheless, the attempt to recover his nuts failed miserably. The only time the crowd cheered was when they announced they were playing their final show for the evening. While I do respect the courage it takes to play in front of a crowd and especially to open for someone like Manson... you need to actually be GOOD. Then band themselves may not have been bad, couldn't tell over the whiney high-pitched annoying voice of the lead singer. Ryan commented that someone should kick him in the groin, and I replied that it sounded as though someone already had.

After a long wait (which was to be expected, he always makes his crowds wait), Manson took the stage, reunited with Twiggy! And I also believe it was Twiggy's return that provoked them into playing many of the older songs. It was a rather interesting setlist. My only complaint is that "Putting Holes in Happiness" was not played. But damn, it was nice to hear Manson live again.

Though sadly, a large portion of the show was taken up trying to watch our backs. When Manson came out, it got a little crazy, but otherwise remained rather tame... for a Manson show at least. I was surprised. THEN everything went to hell. The drunks from the bar started to join the crowd causing trouble, and I had to shove more than one. Then the crowd surfers began jumping on random people with no warning. Ryan actually shoved me away so one wouldn't land on me and ended up getting clipped on the shoulder. I didn't notice at first, and the guy landed at my feet, where I abruptly began to kick him with my huge boots because he pissed me off. Then I turned and saw that Ryan had taken a hit for me and was NOT doing very well. So I gave the guy another swift kick, and he started a yelling match with me before trying to stare me down. He was a short, little guy who I towered over and probably could have taken if he tried anything. Thankfully, Adam stepped between us and shoved the guy off. He continued yelling during "The Love Song," emphasizing the "fuck yea" at my face like he was some sort of hard ass. Then the lights went out between songs and I didn't see him, and Lindsey informed me she had maced the bastard in the eyes during the blackout. I later saw him off to the side yelling shit at me like he wanted to fight me, but I believe he was escorted out by security after that.

I must admit, that was the most violent I've ever been at a concert. But considering I was on the defensive all night and full of adrenaline, and other issues I won't go into, he chose the WRONG night to screw around with me. Ryan's shoulder is finally doing better, and I'm glad, because he had lost feeling in a good portion of his right side for a little bit, so I wonder is it wasn't a pinched nerve he recieved from the blow. The rest of the show wasn't bad, though I couldn't help but be paranoid about everyone around me, though we made a few friends in people standing around us who vowed to have our backs in case of trouble, and we agreed to return the favor. There were a few small incidents after that, but nothing big. We found Jake and Katie towards the end of the show, bought merch, and then found Travs and Chrissy before leaving. We all ended up at "My Friends" (I believe was the name, at least... something with 'friends'...) in Lakewood after the show to eat, and all had a good time, though many of us were exhausted and Ryan was still hurting. Chrissy and I found a lot to chat about though, as we hadn't had a chance to talk in how long and had both been busy. After that, we all went our seperate ways home. Except for the incident with the "crazed oompa loompa," it was a fun night.

Ryan and I have been doing well, making it through our first week together and nearly making it to our second. Sounds like hes coming with me to Ashland tomorrow to get shit sorted out with my phone. Its been horrible the entire time 've owned it, and I was told at a local store that I was sold a crap phone, so I plan to take it back while I'm still within the 30 days.

Well, I believe I shall call this entry finished now. Possible Manson pictures to be posted later, if they come out. H31L.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:18:52 GMT

Yesterday I did what I told myself I wouldn't for a while. Oh, well. One must take risks in life every once and a while, and I'm tired of being afraid.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 20:54:14 GMT

Well, the good news now is that Ryan's dad made it through surgery, so I'm happy for them. Should also be heading to IGUN tonight, even though I kind of feel like shit. I better not be coming down with anything.

I realized I forgot to mention that I drowned my phone by accident last Wednesday. I had it and my car keys in my hoody pocket as we were leaving Lindsey's and it fell out when I pulled out my keys. We were talking and I must not have heard it. It sat in a puddle in cold weather all night. So it pretty much died. I had to shell out $69 + tax for a new phone with crappy reception. But its slowly getting better. The only thing I lament is losing my contacts list. But I'm slowly rebuilding it.

For now, I must go. H31L.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:04:40 GMT

I suppose the good news is that I've been keeping myself busy as of late. I've gone to Ashland to babysit my niece, hung out with my friends, attended IGUN, and just this past Saturday was my friend Olivia's daughter's birthday party. All have been good times, where I can't get lost to my thoughts. Its not like while I'm here staring into a monitor by myself in a quiet house with all the room in the world to search my mind and review the past.

But the birthday party was nice yesterday. Her daughter is turning two on monday (technically today), and has grown so much its crazy. I also got to see my friend Alexis there, who is only 10 weeks away from having her own child (its a boy). Its crazy thinking about how many of my friends have kids or are expecting. Though I still remain quite content at not having any of my own. Still thinking I may never have any of my own.

This week is sure to be busy and difficult, though. My friend Ryan's dad is going to Cleveland for surgery to remove cancer. They're not sure yet how it will go, considering his father is already in a fragile state. But I, along with my other friends, have vowed to be there for support in this difficult time, which will help, I'm sure. So if you're the praying type (which I'm not), please keep him there, or at least in your thoughts. It is my belief that the collective energy from so many thoughts can be utilized to help one along, and I hope it can help Ryan's father.

I may also be modeling this weekend for the first time. While trying on bridesmaid dresses at a local store in Ashland, I was asked by the owners, so I'm seeing if that will work out this Sunday.

As for me as of late, I still so not consider myself emotionally stable. Though I feel as though I am slowly healing, I've decided that I'm not ready for any relationships in the near future. I need to go through with being single for a while. Besides, old fears were brought to life once more after this break-up. It will take a while before I feel I can trust in others or myself on that level. Heh, and quite frankly, Jason left large shoes to fill. And I wish him the same thing he wishes me - happiness. Whoever ends up with him will be a lucky girl.

Now if only I can stop crying when I'm alone...

~Killswitch Engage
The End of Heartache

Seek me, call me
I'll be waiting

This distance, this dissolution
I cling to memories while falling
Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day
Waking the misery of being without you

Surrender, I give in
Another moment is another eternity

(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart

You know me, you know me all too well
My only desire - to bridge our division

In sorrow I speak your name
And my voice mirrors my torment

(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart

Am I breathing?
My strength fails me
Your picture, a bitter memory

For comfort, for solace
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 03:49:27 GMT

Static-X
"Invincible"

This moment in time
This moment defined
How is it I feel nothing?
Just don't say goodbye
You say to me
I'm trying to do the right thing

This moment in time
This moment defined
How is it I feel nothing?

It's alright

And we sneak a call
And we're like theives
~~I love the times like these~~
Just don't say goodbye
Just won't you please
I'm trying to do the right thing

It's alright

All my life I was in the cold
Now I find I feel nothing more
Leave me to learn
leave me to hurt
Now I'm not so invincible

It's just come to this you know...

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 02:31:13 GMT

Why is it that today of all days I had to hear "Far Away" by Nickelback?